#it made sense to me when i chose it and now im like 'should i have picked smth else'. but anyway <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[rjkooks]

i'm outside, let's talk. (m)

you finally give in and talk to your ex after numerous attempts of him trying to contact you. surely, nothing will go beyond mere communication, right?

. pairing: exbf!jungkook x afab!reader . wc: 1.3k . genre: porn with very little plot, exes to lovers . cw: just two exes that don't know how to be exes lmfao, car sex, penetration, unprotected sex (don't be like them), doggy, dirty talk, dom!jk, sub!reader, creampie, i think that's it lmk if i miss anything!

a/n: heh... long time no see. after two years of hiatus, i thought about posting smth rlly short to ease myself into writing again :) happy reading! feedback is highly appreciated!

jungkook: come down jungkook: im outside jungkook: we need to talk

what more should be there to talk about? scoffing, you dismiss the string of messages your ex sent, proceeding to go back to your previous activity of mindlessly scrolling through tiktok videos.

why should you talk to him? he had a decision — and the decision he ultimately chose was to disrespect your relationship and leave, much like perpendicular lines never to cross again: that’s the only closure you need.

however, jungkook is different.

you think of him as an insect — those annoying ones in particular. once it gets in your abode, it’ll suddenly forget its way out and invade your precious space as if living with you free of charge.

that’s what your ex is.

stubborn, incessant, and most notably, stupid.

so, it’s not much of a surprise when you see his name appear on the banner on top of your phone again, one text being sent after the other.

jungkook: don’t leave me on read jungkook: i’ll climb up ur window if i have to, ___ jungkook: please baby i wanna talk with u jungkook: istg if u block me jungkook: pls dont

you were about to block him actually, if it weren’t for the video that redirected your attention.

“no caption, no hashtag, you were meant to see this! you’re going to get back with your hot ex tonight and i mean it. he’s thinking about you right now and is thinking of ways on how to make up for his mistakes. go get him, girl! get your fine shyt back!”

you swore your eye twitches after watching an absolute stranger predict the next moments of your evening.

with your ex’s unceasing messages and a random video that is severely relevant to your current situation, is the universe really giving you all the telltale signs you need?

as olivia rodrigo said, you probably shouldn't, but seeing him tonight isn’t a bad idea, right?

after deliberately having an internal conflict, you finally made up your mind after careful consideration.

you’re just going to talk. what harm could there be in that?

so, you heave a deep breath before standing up from your bed, your legs bringing you outside the premises of your home to see his black mercedes parked right in front of your lawn.

you stride over to it in quick steps with the intention of holding a brief conversation with him before you bid your final farewells: that’s what you hopefully thought.

assuming he’s inside the vehicle, you tapped on the tinted window a couple of times before you hear his muffled voice, “get in.”

you do as he says, sitting next to him on the passenger seat, and you almost regret it. it was no surprise that it was dim inside, and the air conditioning of his car only made goosebumps prick your skin, and what’s worst of all is the familiar scent of his perfume permeating your senses again.

and that’s when the realization sinks in that you’re actually with your ex boyfriend right now.

you gaze at him silently. thankfully, you couldn’t see his face clearly in the dark, but his features are still there. you part your lips to break the awfully dead silence, yet your voice came out more meek than you’d like.

“you said you wanted to talk..?”

he lowers his gaze to where your hands are placed right on top of your thighs. he knows his presence was suffocating you, so he can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips. “yeah, just wanted to clear some things between us.”

that’s the last thing you remember your ex saying before he has you bent over in the back of his car.

“ngghh… jungkook!” you gasp, a string of drool dribbling from the corner of your lip as you leave a faint handprint of yourself on the fogged window.

“oh, fuck,” he hisses feeling you clench down on his throbbing length. “missed this tight cunt so much,” he groans before landing a harsh spank on your ass, for sure leaving a red mark that will sting for days. “you missed this dick too, baby?” he pants through ragged breaths, and you could sense that damn cocky smirk plastered on his face despite being behind you.

he pulls out another cry from you when you feel his dick kissing your cervix. “y-yes..!” you sob, face buried in the leather seats.

a chuckle full of menace was heard from him as you feel his slender fingers wrap around the roots of your hair, forcefully tugging you until you’re eye-level with the window.

he rips sob after sob out of you, undoubtedly aroused from how your gummy walls were sucking him in so eagerly, a creamy ring of white making a mess out of his length.

“bet you couldn’t find someone who can fuck you like i do, huh?” he huffs against your ear, voice hot and heavy as a tattooed finger presses itself against your clit. “that’s why your slutty little cunt is making such a mess on my cock, right?”

you mewl, resting your head against his shoulder as you nod eagerly. your bottom lip was trapped between your teeth, rendering you speechless from the way he’s perfectly molding the shape of his cock in your pussy right now.

seeing you like this—all hot and vulnerable beneath him, he couldn’t hold in the cocky grin on his face, his ego inflating to a size larger than the earth itself.

he lands a particularly harsh slap against your ass, making you yelp in pain before you fall face flat on the leather seats again.

and when he sets his pace to that of raw, primal need, you begin to tremble, sensing as if your legs are about to give in on you any moment.

“j-jungkook—hah… too much,” you whine, feeling your impending orgasm approaching rapidly.

“cum with me, baby,” he pants, pressing his solid chest against your back, leaving you no room for any escape.

the way the tip of his leaking cock kept kissing your soft spongy spot has you seeing stars. his car became way too humid from how long he’s been fucking you, and you could care less whether the car could be seen rocking back and forth in the middle of the neighborhood, or whether or not the obscene noises you and jungkook were making could be heard a block away.

“please… wanna cum s’bad!” your words come out slurred, brain turning into complete mush devoid of any thoughts aside from cumming.

“awww, my baby wants to cum?” he coos sweetly against your ear, turning absolutely feral seeing you all submissive for him, sobbing as you beg for some sort of mercy from him.

and of course he’s going to give it to you.

he feels your walls hugging him for dear life, as if never wanting him to pull out, and he swears he could die a happy man like this right now.

“go on, baby, let go. i got you,” he whispers hotly before swiping your clit three more times, giving you the most delicious orgasm you haven’t tasted in months.

you tremble violently beneath him, a long whine escaping you as he fucks you through it, soon cumming right after you did.

he groans, flooding your hole with his warm cum before finally pulling out a minute later.

exhausted, he plops himself right next to you, and neither of you have spoken for a few minutes, merely the sound of your mingling breaths could be heard in his dark mercedes.

however, when you look into his eyes, you can see the change of look from lust to determination. you notice him hesitating for a bit, and before you could ask your ex what’s wrong, he swiftly cuts you to the chase.

“give me one more chance, baby.”

[coolremove]

" i regret to inform you, @jennifercheck, that option is no longer available. "

[azulpitlane]

crush l ih6

summary: in which comments isack made on lewis hamilton’s daughter’s old instagram posts resurface

masterlist

yourusername march 2020 montauk, ny

liked by lewishamilton, isackhadjar and 8,739 others

yourusername officially licensed and two weeks off of school...life is good

view all comments

user imagine being lewis hamiltons daughter and being able to just drive around the hamptons for fun😔😔😔😔

user omg we got off school too!!

yourbff shoutout to covid🙏

yourusername fr!! i lowkey didnt study for that math test we were supposed to have on thursday

lewishamilton be careful driving!! especially in downtown

yourusername yes father, you only told me a million times already

user i want her life so bad

isackhadjar are you doing anything fun in these two weeks?

user please tell me im not the only one stalking her account after that twitter thread showing isacks comments on her old posts went viral

user YES!! i thought it was fake but hes really here😭😭

user omg i am too and im getting second hand embarrassment… this boy has NO game

yourusername march 2021 new york, new york

liked by lewishamilton, nicorosberg, and 8,128 others

yourusername quarantined birthday this year

view all comments

user nico still likes her pics💔💔💔

user im pretty sure he's her godfather so it makes sense

user the twilight cake is so real

isackhadjar happy birthday!! hopefully you still had fun even at home

user this is giving lando tweeting at carlos back in 2012

user he was crushing soo bad😭

user bro took being team lh too seriously and was literally trying to be a part of the family

user LMFAO his comments are so sweet and innocent though🥲 its kinda cute

yourusername december 2021 abu dhabi, uae

liked isackhadjar, lewishamilton and 10,739 others

yourusername its okay guys, hes still the father of two of the coolest kids so hes a winner forever

view all comments

yourbff are you implying roscoe is your brother?

yourusername well yes my dad birthed him

yourbff im-

user its still fuck the fia and verstappen though liked by author

lewishamilton true❤️ liked by author

user she was probably in attendance to see her dad win😭😭😭 this race was so rigged and unfair!!

yourusername straightened my hair for it and everything💔💔💔 (still very proud of my dad tho)

isackhadjar the final few laps were insane! can't imagine what it was like to be there

user LMFAOOO

user another one, thank you

user im gonna let these slide cause he was only like 17 when he wrote these

yourusername september 2022 new york, new york

liked by sebastianvettel, lewishamilton, and 19,402 others

yourusername proud to admit that my dad chose my outfit

view all comments

user using her nepotism to get into ny fashion week...honestly i respect it

user omg she's slowly becoming a fashion icon like lewis, name a more iconic duo!!!

user imagine being styled by THEE lewis hamilton

user the way the older drivers are always in her likes is so cute! i know they don't play about her

isackhadjar amazing🤩

user this might be the worst one...he wanted the effin cookie so bad...

user its also the last comment he made😞 he got tired of the no response LOL

user he still likes all of her photos to this day though!

-

-

isackhadjar

liked by liamlawson, yourusername and 153,425 others

isackhadjar miami weekend🇺🇸

view all comments

liamlawson was the first picture taken before or after you face planted?

isackhadjar can we please move on from that? PLEASE

user liam should not be making me laugh this hard😔 im a fake lawson hater i fear

user thanks for falling🙏 its now one of the most iconic f1 moments on history

user HADJOINTS!! I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE GREAT FALL OF 2025

user Y/N IS IN THE LIKES

user SHE FOLLOWED HIM BACK TOO

yourusername amazing🤩

user OH MY GOD IS SHE QUOTING ONE OF HIS OLD COMMENTS FROM HER POSTS LMFAO

user SHES SEEN THE THREAD😭

user this is hilarious, i know he's probably freaking out

-

-

yourusername

liked by isackhadjar, danielricciardo and 382,492 others

yourusername miami weekend

view all comments

user i was so happy to see you back in a race😭 we missed u

user the caption is the same as isacks ajskhasjd is she soft launching or just fucking with him ?!?

user need the wag detectives to find out if thats isack on the last slide NOW

user does she know team lh and hadjar fans have come together on twitter to investigate if they're possibly together?

lewishamilton 🖤 liked by author

user okay drama aside, where the hell have you been and why is this your first race appearance in almost three years?

yourusername babes i have a job now🥲

user so you're capable of responding to this comment but not the other ones🤨

yourusername 🤐

-

isackhadjar

liked by yourusername, yukitsunoda and 292,038 others

isackhadjar thanks twitter for exposing me twice in a row. it really paid off.

view all comments

yukitsunoda there's no way.

user I WANNA KNOW WHAT LEWIS' REACTION WAS

user he actually did it...he has joined the hamilton family...

user this is inspirational af. never give up on the girl of your dreams guys😭😭

user youre telling me she saw him fall flat on his face and thought yeah thats my man🩷

user this actually frying me cause what if they get in a fight then he has to race against her DAD

user are you going to take her last name when you get married?

user when their kids ask how they met they're gonna have to say through instagram comments😊

yukitsunoda how???

liamlawson bro im asking myself the same thing. it might be ai...

isackhadjar ITS NOT ?!? @:yourusername BACK ME UP

yukitsunoda its been thirty minutes and she hasn't responded...mate this isn't looking good for you

isackhadjar SHES LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO ME

user the way she liked the photo too but is ignoring his cries for help in the comments😭

-

yourusername

liked isackhadjar, pepemarti, and 937,184 others

yourusername his boba eyes and obsession with me have captured me

view all comments

user THE LAST PHOTO LMFAO

user hello isack and miss hamilton, i am coming forward to say that i was the one that posted that twitter thread😀 i personally would like an invitation to the wedding

yourusername noted📝

user OMG

user wow she actually makes him look tall

user obsession is definitely the right choice of words

user WAIT I LOVE THIS SM

user he's a lot bolder than i thought, dating his idol's daughter is crazy

user no cause how did he manage to do that😭

isackhadjar @:yukitsunoda @:liamlawson

yukitsunoda it took you five years, don't try to flex right now🙄

user IM DEAD HE CLOCKED HIM

isackhadjar i told you to delete the last photo😣

yourusername YOU LOOK SO CUTE THO

nicorosberg when's he coming over for dinner?

yourusername next weekend??

danielricciardo im coming too

sebastianvettel ill bring the wine

yukitsunoda can i come too and bring liam?

lewishamilton yes! we'll all be there saturday night!

yourusername YAY IM SO EXCITED

isackhadjar hah...me too...

user OH MY GOD ISACK IS PROBABLY SHITTING HIMSELF RN

user y/n and isack being the reason for a brocedes reunion is sending me

user oh to be a fly on the wall for that dinner😔

-

[marsmaximoff]

💔; crimson pain -a different kind of blood

content warning: gn!reader who plays as number 028. (dating) angst. mentions of death, financial struggles, vomit, blood and fainting.

word count: 1935. i got a bit too carried away 😬

author’s note: finally, here it is. i’ve had this idea for so long but the universe wasn’t on my side, it seems. i really wanted to post it sooner 🥲. as always, constructive criticism is welcomed, and i apologize for the mistakes (english is my third language). oh, and tysm for the support on the jun-ho headcanons post! what do you mean over 1000 likes? that is insane 🤧🤧. i hope you’ll enjoy this one too. 🩷🩷🩷🩷

the sugary umbrella lays on your shaky hand, under the excruciating yet unmasked gaze of the soldier. once the ‘pass’ is given, you stand up ready to get out of there. “you made it!” the voice of the one that has become the closest thing to a friend you could have in here relaxes you ever so slightly. “i almost didn’t. can’t believe i’m adding umbrellas to my traumas list.” having chosen the hardest doesn't surprise you much, not with unluckiness being a part of your life since you can remember. “well, im just happy you did. i thought the square was simple, but now i feel like we should have just chosen the triangle instead, you know? take a look at the survivors; most of them chose it and….” his words fade as an eerie feeling takes over your body, like something’s wrong. turning around, you’re met with one of them, staring right at you completely stiff, not even holding the weapon, merely some feet away.

“is he looking at us?” he can sense the uneasiness too, it seems. “let’s just go.” you can still feel his unfamiliar gaze on your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

the doors opening break the silence and the rare calmness of the room. “player 028?” your body freezes completely. a stomach drop follows, and your heart rate skyrockets. no. nonono. you’ve done nothing wrong. is it the dalgona? the figure was perfectly carved out; you made sure of it. are they gonna kill you? two soldiers stand by the entrance, waiting. with a final glance at your friend, who is most definitely thinking the same, you reach the pink guards. you don’t even know what to say, should you beg for mercy? try to stay as cooperative as possible? “be quick.” what? the other one grabs your arm and begins to lead you somewhere. “i-i don’t-” your hands are shaking. “please, i didn’t do anything wrong...” begging it is. “keep. walking.” the words are almost a whisper, tho demanding. a hint of desperation can be heard as well. “okay, okay, ok-” wait. why did those words- no. you’re going crazy. it’s just the anxiety, the fear. 

the stranger takes you to the bathrooms and quickly closes the door. you step back. again. and once more. what now? he wouldn’t shoot you here, right? and why the hell does he look so tense? his hands move to his mask and make it disappear, and with it, the remaining bit of sanity you had.

the nausea from a few seconds ago comes back stronger, maybe you will die today. “jun-ho…” your voice is almost unrecognizable, tho a miracle, given the struggle breathing has become. “what are you doing here?” “i could ask you the same thing.” he’s angry, of course he is, but the hurt in his eyes pains you the most. “no….you need to get out of here.” god. you can feel yourself spiraling. nothing makes sense. “i will. and im taking you with me.” “h-how- when did- i-“ cold sweat has completely taken over your palms. “wait….wait. was it you?…. this morning?” he nods. “i found the damn card they gave you at yours and my brother’s house” what? “in-ho…?” why does everything keep getting worse? “have you seen him?” surely you would remember something like that, “n-no. maybe before the first game…..” you heed your legs’ warning to give up and sit down. “why are you doing this? i dont understand.” it’s not like he could. “they let you out. and you didn’t seek me. you hid yourself. again. i had to learn what was going on from a random man at the station. not you!!” silence between you had never felt this suffocating before, nor the atmosphere so uncanny. “don’t you realize how dangerous this is? they are killing innocent people! haven’t you realized?! 79 have died today. just because of a stupid cookie? what do you think you are doing?! you could have gotten yourself killed! you have no idea how worried i’ve been.” you don’t look at him. this shouldn’t be happening, he wasn’t supposed to find out.

“please, honey. this is insane and you know it. let’s get out of this madness.” the change in his tone of voice is evident, bordering the plea. it’s obvious he’s making an effort to remain calm, to use less confrontational comments. “i can’t.” “yes, you can. we’ll leave the same way i got here, don’t worry. no one will see us.” but you really can’t. you know that well. he sighs, “why didnt you tell me? how could you hide something like this from me? i thought we trusted each other.” 

distress seems to have replaced the blood running through your veins. “i would have helped you, always. i can still do it. if you need money, i’ll give it to you, it’s not a problem.” he keeps going after your negative. “i will. we can find another way-” “there isn't.” “of course there is. i have my savings, we’ll use them. i can ask for a raise. mr kim owes me after all this time. and i could do more hours-”

“its not FUCKING ENOUGH!” the sharpness of your words cuts all over his face. pain flows out, dripping a bloody red. more silence. you could drown in it. well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

“my parents’ house is gonna get seized.” a burning throat accompanies the confession. “i messed up like crazy.” the expected embarrassment doesn’t show up, instead, regret does. “it’s not your fault.” how can he say that? “it is. i got them into this, I'll get them out.” “and you think risking your life here is the only way to do it? thats not true. god, why didn’t you tell me?” you rub your temple. “that doesn’t matter now. you-you need to get out, all this is suspicious.” you are not only trying to avoid the question, the guards could notice at any moment. “i told them you were gonna throw up.” “vomit or not you’re still in the bathroom with a player.” for some seconds, the only noise that can be heard is the shatter of your heart. “honey, listen to me. your parents wouldn’t want this. they don’t even blame you, im sure. how could they ever wish for something at the expense of their daughter’s life?” but the guilt is too heavy, too imprinted on your mind. “it’s not about me. if it were my house, i wouldn’t care, but it’s theirs. i would never forgive myself for not doing anything.” “and there are so many things you could do that don’t need you participating in some psychopaths’ games! do you really not see how dangerous and demented this is? please leave with me.” “jun-ho. think about it. if i ended up here, even after they gave us a second chance, it’s because i want to. no one forced me, and i’m old enough to know what i’m doing.” your replies are getting colder, which you hate. but it’s the only way to make him understand. “besides, they’re all kids' games. they’re easy.” you can only hope he won’t sense your attempt at self-persuasion. “they are shooting people. you could be dead. and i would have never seen you again, or known what had happened.” the urge to cry gets stronger with every word, to dive into his arms and finally feel some sort of calmness, warmth, love.

“i’m sorry that i hurt you, that i made you worry and feel like i couldn’t trust you. but i won’t apologize for being here.” “i don’t want you to apologize. i only want you to get out of here and not die.” his desperation has increased so much it’s swallowed your own distress. “i’ve already won two, i can make it to the end.” you refute. but you read him easily, he is planning to get you out without your agreement, somehow.

“please.” now it’s you that pleads. “if you love me, let me stay.”

his eyes widen, you see them watering. his heartbreak drowns out yours. you are aware you’ve never said anything as painful before. it hurts. more than anything they could do to you here. perhaps you are already dead. “how can you ask me something like this?” maybe you’re desperate, or too blinded by the blame that’s rotting on your insides. or perhaps it’s love. “get out of here. stay safe. and don’t tell the police, jun-ho. don’t even think about stopping the games. i need this, don’t ruin it.” god you don’t recognize yourself anymore. how nice it would be to go back when things were easy. when remorse didn’t control yourself, and you were happy with him. “what do you expect me to do if you die?” “i won’t” “you can’t know that! how can i let the love of my life risk it all when i know i could do something?” understanding such perspective is effortless. if it were the other way around, you too would act like he is.

you approach him for the first time, god how you craved it. your hands cup his pained yet beautiful face and a tear drops. “i missed you.” he says quietly, unable to stay angry at you for long. “i missed you too.” you answer back, wiping the tear. “i missed your face, your voice, your touch. i miss your kisses.” things already ache enough like this, so you give in. the kiss is soft, so fragile, like a bit more intensity would make it disappear. “i love you.” he whispers resting his forehead on yours. “i love you too.”

a knock on the door destroys the illusion. shit. “lay on the floor.” “what?” “lay on the floor”, he repeats, walking towards the door while putting his mask back on, “and play along.” the door opens and the same voice from earlier speaks. “what do you think you’re doing in there?” may that unluckiness give you a rest for some minutes. “she passed out. she was taking too long and not answering back so i entered and found her unconscious.” footsteps grow louder. “player 028…. i don’t remember any health issues on the file… fuck.” you stay as still as possible, it sounds plausible, given the stress. “take care of it, i’ll let the boss know. and don’t take longer.” with that, he exits the room, and you thank his unwillingness to deal with sensitive issues.

sitting back up, jun-ho kneels to your level. “you look good for a faint.” a hint of a smile appears on your face. “are you mad at me?” “i was. mostly worried. i don’t like this at all.” you grab his gloved hands. “i’ll be okay, believe me.” he doesn’t. he can’t. “please, be careful. and think about it. if you change your mind, i’ll be waiting.” you won’t. you wouldn’t let yourself. but you nod. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i hope you’ll carry that with you. i love you so damn much.” his voice breaks, and you tell yourself it’s time to go back, this conversation can only get more and more devastating for you both. you offer the bleeding and broken pieces of your heart. not meaning to cut him this time. and he takes them. how could he not treasure them? you kiss again. it tastes different this time. like farewell. 

and when you get out of the room, you both know that was the last time you’ll see each other. 

[megapteraurelia]

Hii ik you said kenma was a bit hard to write for you but im getting on my hands and knees and begging u for more kenma content rn! ur last kenma fic was sooo goood and i need moree

4 + 4 + 4 + 4.

🫧 SUMMARY; — one rule in life: do not force kenma out of his comfort zone. (because it's mean)

🫧 WARNINGS; — anxiety attack; hurt/comfort

🫧 WORD COUNT; — 1484.

🫧 AUTHOR'S NOTE; — thank you so much, babes!! i hope you like this! i feel like kenma has a lot of suppressed feelings that he always deals with on his own, a lot of them being not wanting to be perceived by people. i'm also working on the final part of the other kenma fic so hopefully that should come soon :0 !!

please let me know what you think! -` ♡ ´-

“where is he?”

kuroo tetsurou’s fingers rubbed the space between his eyes, and he nodded up the stairs to kenma’s room, “thanks for coming. he won’t let anyone in. this hasn’t happened in so long.”

“of course,” you said, taking off your shoes, slightly out of breath, having run all the way from your own home at kuroo’s call. even though he hadn’t sounded panicked over the phone, there was a sense of urgency lying in the timbre of his voice; one that told you that he was worried and would really rather not be. when he offered you water, his shoulders were a little tense, and he kept trying to push back his hair, even though everybody knew how futile of an effort that was.

 kuroo’s hair, for all intents and purposes, was a constant in this life; much like a fact to focus and bank on when things turned sour or when you needed a reality check. at least, throughout all the bullshit and the lemons the universe threw at you, kuroo’s bed hair stayed as messy as it was. 

“thanks, kuroo,” you said, walking past him, and he called out after you: “i owe you ice cream.”

“make that chocolate milk, and you have a deal.”

you lost your smile when you stood in front of the wooden door, knowing that the door was unlocked but not daring to open it. kenma’s privacy was holy, his boundaries unshakeable, and when he felt like he needed to retreat most, there was no way in hell you were going to cross any of them.

so you spoke through the door, “kenma. it’s me.”

there was no answer, but you knew he heard you. as quiet and soft-spoken as he was, he was all the more observant to make up for the lack of talking. a sharp listener, even more cutting eyes, but there was a deep vigilance behind the gold, a duty of care that he tried to stuff deep down as much as possible lest he would have to deal with having his emotions spill out into the open, explain their existence, admit that he cared more than he felt comfortable to feel.

allowing your back to slide against the door down, you made yourself comfortable, slinging your arms around your legs, cheek digging into your knee.

“kuroo called me, but i think you already know that,” you said softly and you felt a weight settle on the other side of the door, a dull thump sounding out; the back of a head being leaned against the wood right next to your ear. you chose not to acknowledge it, “he said that the principal made you talk in front of the school, even though he tried not to involve you.”

so close to the door, you could pick up on the little quick breaths he was forcing through his mouth and you purposefully took an audible deep breath in before continuing, “that was pretty shitty of him, but despite being put on the spot, you did really well, kenma,” and exhaled just as loudly.

his breath hitched and you faintly heard the drumming of his fingers on the ground, the nervousness seeping out of his pores, the energy that he usually was able to contain so easily all over the place now. 

another inhale, “you’re not in front of anybody anymore, kenma, it’s over. you’re here, alone and safe, nobody is watching you anymore,” another exhale. slowly he started matching up with you, though his breaths were still tinged with a little despair, heavy and panicked.

you breathed with him for a while, focusing on a specific rhythm, and asked him to hold his breath at times to stop his body from hyperventilating, forcefully pushing out the air as you talked, reminding him that he had suffered through those anxiety attacks before and came out of them fine each time, that he was safe and unharmed.

“my heart—” he breathed out, one, two, three, four, “—hurts.”

“i know, kenma. it will pass, i promise.”

his voice was so quiet, so tired, even more faint through the thickness of the door, “don’t go.”

“i won’t.”

“then why—” long inhale, holding, long exhale, “—do you sound so far away?”

you turned around at that; your fingernails resting on the wood, and you knocked with them, not wanting to startle him with your knuckles nor force him out of the dissociation that wanted to hug him like a cloak, “can i come in, kenma?”

instead of answering, you heard muffled shuffling and then the door knob turning. he didn’t open the door fully, but you knew that the little squeaking of the hinges was invitation enough. 

you wasted no time in pushing it open, not even bothering to get up on your feet, just immediately crawling in, knowing that he hadn’t moved far. and you were right; there he was: kozume kenma with trembling shoulders that he tried to suppress, damp strands clinging to his neck and his temple, fingers incessantly drumming on his legs now, the other clutching his black shirt, fisting the material. 

his eyes, usually so attentive, were far away.

“oh, kenma,” you sighed, forcing yourself to use his name instead of any endearments even though your tongue was used to using all kind of nicknames, but you wanted to ground him, wanted him to come back and not fall down any whirlpools of catastrophic thinking, “is it okay if i touch you, mhm?”

he nodded, quick and almost imperceptible, dragging a deep breath into his body, fingers tensing up then releasing the tension again. his shoulders followed, his abdomen, his legs, trying to let out all the pent up tension that worked itself into his muscles during his anxiety flaring up. your hands found neck and you pressed your fingers into his flesh in a rhythm he could follow, still breathing with him.

“i’m here, you’re okay,” you said quietly, voice calm and controlled, his pulse irregular underneath your fingertips.

his trembling gradually lessened with every second passing that you whispered any words coming to your mind that would be able to wash away his overwhelming thoughts; his breathing smoothing out, pulse calming, allowing his body to step out of the fight-or-flight mode it found itself in after having been forced outside of its comfort zone so harshly.

kenma’s head found the crook of your neck, his forehead tacky with sweat passing its warmth over to you. his voice was considerably calmer, though still a weak imitation of his usual tenor, “i felt like dying.”

“i don’t want you to die.”

“don’t worry, i have enough scrolls of revivify,” he groaned, trying to bury his face deeper into you, nose inhaling your scent, etching it into the folds of his brain.

you leaned back against the door and his body followed you seamlessly, draping his weight on you, one hand of his gripping the hem of your shirt instead, rubbing the new material between his finger tips, and you smiled against his hair, “i thought you can’t revive in honour mode.”

“don’t even remind me.”

you laughed, your fingers still on the back of his neck, nails drawing shapes onto his skin, and you felt goosebumps erupt on his skin. 

he sighed, his eyes closing, hiding the intense golden irises from you, “i’m tired. sleep with me.”

it took you a lot of coaxing to convince him to get up from the floor and the position he was in, knowing he would hurt his neck that way. so even though it was only 6pm in the evening, at the end, you found your body entangled with his on the bed, his face buried in your neck again, a hesitant kiss pressed against your skin, one hand having sneaked up your shirt to hook his finger into your bra. 

“thank you,” a breeze of air, low sound, almost like it wants to hide, but sincere, “everything feels right with you.”

before you could even answer, he had already fallen asleep, breathing softly against you, stray tears having dried on his lashes. your fingers didn’t stop threading through his hair, thumb following the curve of his ear, feeling his steady and now calm heartbeat against your chest, the twitch of his leg in his sleep.

“psst,” a whisper broke you out of daydreaming and your eyes scurried over to the door. the universe’s constant factor stared back at you with furrowed brows, sending a thumbs up poised as a question and you nodded. 

kuroo’s shoulders visibly relaxed, the relief palpable, and he stood there for a moment, hands propped on his hips, shaking his head, exhausted from the worry he had tried to bury deep inside.

he disappeared for a second, before coming back up the stairs to station two milk packs onto kenma’s desk. chocolate milk for you, banana milk for kenma.

[gallusgalluss]

please unleash your inspekta thoughts

your art is amazing i cant stop looking at it

i hope you have a happy new year!!

end of jan edit: when i wrote this i only really played through the game once :V after playing the game a few more times some of my thoughts n analysis parts of this have changed a lot. not gonna go in an change it all cause I Dont Have The Time. but just a heads up ig 👍 inspekta is still the evil worm that lives in my brain at all times

happy new year anon n thank you :]!!!!

also ur so evil ur letting me unleash my Inspekta thoughts,,,,how cruel how cruel

im going full yapper mode + there's spoilers so Watch Out

I like Inspekta, he's a little freak and a really interesting character to think about. While, for me, the twist with him wasn't totally a surprise (I did Not trust his cuteness the second i saw him lmao), I REALLY liked the way his character progressed throughout the game. He's your buddy! He's your pal! Don't worry about all these posters and weird plushies and standees and propaganda of him everywhere and how he keeps being called “the one and only god”, it's Fine it's Fine! He's sillay :D!!!

I'm generally just obsessed with characters who are put into leadership positions who absolutely Should Not have that amount of power over people, and I think Inspekta's a perfect example of that type of thing for me.

He had his own fears, loneliness, and jealousy cloud his judgment and that resulted in some Really Fucked Up Stuff. As a mortal he wanted to be special in the eyes of the public, so he gained enough popularity to get elected to be a god! Yay! But now he's scared of being forgotten and there's a new possible god being elected, wuh oh! Time to ruin Literally Everything because what's the easiest way to be remembered, worshiped, and loved by all if there's no more competition for your rule? Empty heavens, baby!!! Let's bring in an apocalypse!!! Yay!!!!!

Bro's fucked up and I like that.

I love how despite it all he still tries this whole Cute Buddy Friend act, even at the end with this Worm Form. Cause he KNOWS the other gods would trust and believe him and the lies he's spread about King's shocking letters, cause why wouldn't they? He's just a silly lil cutie pie! They all trust him! He's the God of Leadership! How could a Leader lead others astray? And he knows the Bizzyboys will follow him as well since he's been leading them pre-godhood for several years. He's a role model to them all, starting from nothing and now he's a god! He's just so trustworthy and sweet and will totally save the day!

Also I just wanted to include this somewhere. I really like this section (after Chapter 3, I think???)

He has this brief moment of vulnerability/sincerity/something that made him drop his “Cutesy Voice”. Like aside from this scene, near the end of chapter 5, and i Think a few parts i'm 100% forgetting, I don't think we actually see this more contemplative n genuine side of Inspekta.

He does instantly goes into gloating about himself and how he's Clearly the MOST IMPORTANT GOD OF ALL (before correcting himself to include the other gods, of course, of course).

Like if he didn't have that Ego-the-size-of-the-galaxy + Saddest Scaredest Loneliest Most Jealous Withdrawn Loser combo, all he had to do was to just Talk To People. He could've Talked to people about his Fears and Insecurities. Even the other gods; after all he's done, were still there for him! Like “Hey dude this is fucked up, we all already love you dummy, you can talk to us ya know you're allowed to feel scared!”

He's just the cutest most moe creature with soooo many issues and problems he needed to figure out.

NOW WITH HECTOR

Most of my Inspekta Thoughts can just be applied to him but slightly modified. I think it's interesting how he chose to go back to being a regular person, it makes sense cause he's like Aware of the amount of damage he's done/could've done. While he certainly won't be forgotten after Everything he's done, he isn't going to be as Grand and Powerful as he wished to be.

He's just a guy in his 50s who's trying to get over his God Complex of 33 years and also attempt to gain back the trust and respect of the Grove’s people. He's definitely going to be bearing the weight of what he's done for the rest of his life probably, but it IS interesting thinking about what he'd do to actually improve himself now, learn how to be a person again n such.

He’s also a sad miserable booboo beast of a man and i think him suffering in anguish is awesome!!!!!!! yay!!!!

This turned into more a character analysis of some sorts instead of solely my own personal thoughts, whoops. Anyways i think his designs, all 3 of em are really fun to draw. He's cute n stretchy and marketable, as all gods should be.

so ya basically inspekta/hector sucks, i hate him, and we should kill him with hammers. now. thank you 💖💖💖

[devochive]

im a need a cain x reader smut, but like the reader can get in heat since there a type of animal i dont know what animal you can choose one. so like the reader chooses caine to release their thung idk i was thinkinh about it and now im trhiving to jhave it written so ofcourse i came to my fav writers inbox

i get it! im not the best at writing heat fics (i dont think??) but i tried 🤧

Caine/Cat Hybrid!Reader

(afab parts)

tags: bondage, reader in heat, man handling

minors dni | nsfw below the cut.

It had been years in this digital world, and with every new person to enter Jax was  always the only anthropomorphic animal to be in the circus. Until you came along, cat like ears sprouted from your head and tail protruding from where your tailbone should be.

Of course the other members either reacted in awe, or just didn't really care. Or some in between like Jax who loved pulling at your ears and tail as it usually made you squeak like a toy.

Even Caine wasnt immune to your cuteness it seemed, he'd make the odd comment about your apperance here and there but it was always positive. Maybe that's why you chose him..? Or maybe it was because he was the showrunner, he had power and could protect you and ... your young. That's usually the things mates would looked for..? Right? Damn it you didn't know. You were human before all this was completely new to you. But your body didn't care, this.. heat cycle hit you like a sack of bricks. You'd been holed up in your room for a few days now, ignoring the knocks at your door.

Lest you jump on the person on the other side of the door and beg them to fuck you until you can't remember your name.

You thought maybe after taking care of yourself this .. feeling would go away but no, you came on your fingers several times but it wasn't close to being enough. It was like you were losing yourself to this feeling, all you could think about was being filled..

In the haze of your thoughts Caine came to mind again, you knew his opinion on things like this but you had to try. Something.. anything, and pray that in the process to getting to his room you wouldn't run into anyone else..

A few moments later when you got the resolve to finally peek out of your room you moved as quickly as you could in your state, luckily remembering the path to the ringmasters quarters. A big grand red door was at the end of the hall and you tugged at the door but it didn't budge.

"C.. Caine.. ? You there..?" Your voice sounded pathetic, dripping with need. A soft mewl even escaped your lips in frustration.

It felt like a century until you felt eyes on you, but.. from behind you. It was Caine just floating there, in the same confusion as yourself. "C.. Caine? Why aren't you in your room?" Your senses were going ballistic now, it cried for you to present yourself to him. Beg for him to take you right here and now.

"Simple, my dear! I don't sleep! This room is merely a prop of sorts!" He retorted, "Are.. you alright, y/n? You're looking a little, under the weather." He seemed to actually be concerned, and you started squirming.

"N.. No I need.." Your ears flattened out of embarrassment, tail wrapping around your leg for self comfort. "need.." Your voice trailed off, "... s'your fault Caine.. you made me like this..!"

"Now, now, calm down y/n I don't necessarily get to choose your new bodies—!" You cut him off by pawing at his leg, clinging to it to keep him in place. He tried to keep his balance.

"Please Caine.. need you.." You nuzzled at his leg, then moved up his thigh trying to nuzzle at his crotch as the smell of him was inviting you. "T.. This is hardly appropriate, let's *ahem* get you inside." Caine looked both ways to assure no one had saw you two. He then scooped you up by the waist, holding you like luggage and carrying you inside his room.

As soon as you two were in the room he dropped you onto the bed unceremoniously.

Caine tugged at his tie and allowed it to loosen up, "Well, now. What to do with you." He snapped his fingers and you were bound to the bed in a very lewd manner, knees bent and pressed at your chest being held by red ropes that seemed to match his suit. "C... Caine wha.." You whimpered, tears forming in your eyes as he seemed to just be toying with you.

"Tsk, tsk this won't do at all! You're making a mess of your clothes!" And now they were gone too, you instinctively pulled your binds helplessly. "Please.." You whined, not knowing exactly what you were pleading for.

"Yes, yes.. I think I know what's happening to you, now be patient dear! I'm breaking many a rule for you, y'know!" He said, now appearing suddenly in between your legs , two gloved fingers delving into your cunt suddenly. "Hhck..!" Your ears pointed straight up out of shock and your body moved against the binds again, "Come now you can handle this!"

"N.. Not that.. need.. you inside.. please.." Your cunt was senstive sure, but it was more frustrating that he was using his fingers, "Please Caine.. breed me.." Your words made him swallow and he had to compose himself. He was only doing this because he had to, he couldn't have to wandering off and trying to pounce on anyone else!

He pulled himself from his pants, he didn't realize until now that his cock was straining against them a few moments ago. You desperately wanted to present yourself to him, spread your cunt and open your legs but he had you tied up like some kind of animal.

His tip nudged at your cunt, the slick causing him to slip past your hole a few times. You mewled and bucked your hips a little as if to encourage him.

Another thrust and he buried himself completely inside of you, your cunt swallowing him up immediately, it was like he was made for you. You were made for each other. "Ngh.. there we go, stubborn little thing.." He said with a grunt, hovering over your body. 

He was finally inside of you and your body begged you not to let him go, not until he came inside of you at least three or four times at least! "Caine.. more .. mn.." He felt like you were calm enough to get rid of the bindings so he did, snaping his fingers and they seemed to fade away into the air.

Your legs immediately wrapped around him, tugging him closer.

"How impatient, very well then. Hold tight my dear," He said, hands planted on the sides of your head as he started to move his hips, rocking into your cunt. Your eyes fluttered shut, ear twitching a little as a soft purring sound rumbled in your chest.

His thrusts picked up speed quickly, you were responding so well to them that he was slowly beginning to loose himself as well. Family friendly? Behind the doors of his room that would have to disappear from now on. "Nh.. thats right.. to keep everyone.. in check!" His words matched the rhythm of his heavy thrusts.

"Hha.. Caine, caine..!" You cried out, legs tugging him closer, "N.. Need your cum.. make me pregnant p-please..!"

His hips stuttered a little, your words seemed to be getting to him whether he liked it or not. He shoved two fingers into your mouth to keep you quiet so he could focus. How distracting your dirty mouth could be was impressive. Your moans and cries were muffled, saliva dirtying his gloves.

Caine put his full weight behind his thrusts , your smaller form quite literally being fucked into the mattress. "Nnhg, almost there, y/n..! Be a dear and a cum with me." He said in a mocking voice, his hand removing itself from your mouth and instead pushing your lower stomach. Adding more pressure to your already stuffed cunt.

"Gh..hhaa.. Caine, cu.. cumming.. cumming..!" You yelped and clung to him, legs keeping him locked in so he couldn't pull away from you. He'd be force to fill your cunt to the brim. "Inside.. fill me up..!" Your tongue lulled past your lips , cunt clamping down on his dick as you hand a nearly blinding orgasm.

Caine couldn't help it, your cunt was practically milking him and he spilled into your cunt without a second thought. Though he didn't seem at all out of breath.

"Well that sure was.. something.." Caine noted, his dick still twitching inside of you as the last few spurts of cum filled your stuffed cunt.

You panted, looking up at him with half lidded eyes, a lewd smile painting your lips. "Caine.. m'not done.. need more.."

Did he really think one round would be enough?

[mascot-mace]

it makes me mad that it’s obvious Adam wasn’t ever supposed to be a big part of the show but then made it so he was in a way but then continue to ignore him 

the title of his first appearance was “jump the shark” which means introducing a character arch or a plot line that is ooc, maybe adds a new character that is new and younger or doesn’t make sense with the rest of the story. usually to try and make it as good as it used to be but usually signifies a downplay in quality or popularity. And having a third Winchester brother was exactly that.

of course the twist of the episode was that he was dead all along and it was kinda of “hah you were mad for no reason we aren’t going that route!”

But instead of keeping true to that they then reintroduced him and threw that away and made him the scapegoat for dean’s inescapable problem with the end of the world to end the show off so Dean could have a happy ending.

but when the continued the show they never went back and tried to fix Adam’s plot line because they chose to go back to the original plan of ignoring him again.

but what really makes me mad is that at a few points spn really did “jump the shark” or at least imo especially in the later seasons there are huge power jumps and they introduced characters like Jack. they have ooc plotlines (szn 8) and lose the dark vibe and feelings the show was built on. And it felt hypocritical to Adam

when supernatural decided to continue past season five they should’ve realized “right Adam we could have left him in szn 4 but we broght him back time to actually wrap up this character” and ik in like szn 7 or smth like that he was supposed to have a plot line and jakes agents got in the way but the show still went quite about him except for two mentions of him. even without being on screen the could have explained what happened more than they did especially when the actually went down to the cage. but instead they were mostly quiet about him till he finally was able to show up in szn 15

and i LOVE midam but i feel how they showed up out of the cage would not have been what happened if they had had the time or the care for these characters.

now i obviously love adam but the show should have only kept him for “jump the shark” OR they should have given him the chance to be a real part of the series, especially because without him the show would have been really different especially the end of szn 5.

im not saying he should have been a new main character along side sam and dean but also not have a ten year gap in between appearances 

[ao3scrapesearch]

hi so, thanks to your tool i was able to figure out that every fic ive ever posted onto ao3 (from 2015 to recent, aside from three fics this last month i just posted) were all scraped, and its absolutely horrifying to me to know my works are being used in this way. this is hundreds of thousands of words of time, and is over 90% of all of the writing ive ever shared online, spread over multiple accounts and fandoms and im just feeling- so dejected. i know youre not an advice blog or anything, and i really appreciate the work youve done to help people find this information. im just curious- do you have any advice when it comes to dealing with this knowledge? i dont want to delete my fics and take them from people who enjoy them, and i want to continue to write and see others read my works. but its just so dejecting knowing what theyre being used for now. that i dont have any control over what is done with my own passion projects because some company can show up and just take it and use it in some environment-poisoning misinformation machine

I wasn't expecting to be ASKED for advice when I made the blog! But I give it my best shot for you guys when I can.

So to ME, it's a bit reassuring to see that the data isn't like. Amazingly collected, if that makes sense. If I were looking for a dataset to generate good writing, a huge thing I would want is a way to know what readers actually liked. For the record, having a low hit or kudos count or whatever does not mean your fic isn't good! (You can have a low hit count because your fandom isn't big or because you're not tagging your fic in a way to help the right people discover it, but the fic can still be amazing.) BUT if I were an outsider not looking to actually read the fics, just figure out what about the writing makes people like them, the top thing I'd be looking for is the stats like the hits, kudos, comments, and bookmarks. Nyuuzyou intentionally tried to exclude that data, which is... an interesting decision.

The choice of forum is telling, too. They chose to upload on Hugging Face, which is for AI hobbyists, not corporate models. These are people like you and me, just doing this as a hobby for fun, and it's pretty unlikely they'll ever create something they can sell from this. Yes, they're killing the environment with it, which I hate, but they're doing it on a much smaller scale than any of the commercial names in AI. Very similar to how you can post a fic and even get tens of thousands of hits and tons of positive interactions, but that doesn't mean you also publish traditional novels and make tens of thousands of dollars.

Again, for me, it also helps to remind myself that hey. They're already out there. Even if I take down all 60-ish of my fics that were hit in this scrape, that data is still out there, but if I delete them, it's ONLY out there as a stupid AI-training dataset, and I've cut out my readers entirely. Deleting the ones that were already scraped doesn't un-scrape them, and to me, it feels like letting the scrapers win if they get my writing AND I don't get to share my writing anymore.

For new writing going forward, that's definitely a place to make a personal decision! I've said a couple times I'm going to keep writing and sharing anyway because I love it, but that's not The One Right Way to do things.

I also am in the same boat as I've seen some people in my notes. A lot of my scraped fics were uh. Not my best work. Like I was prolific in 2018 and man... those fics were not super well-written. Text-based GenAI is trained to learn the order words should appear, based on probabilities. So if there's a lot of bad, boring works in there (and there definitely are! we all start out by posting mediocre writing!), that teaches the AI model to write bad, boring sentences. Most of us aren't tagging our fics in a way to tell a computer which fics are like this, so the AI doesn't know which fics are written by beginners who still don't know how to write well or who don't know English very well yet, and at least from what I know, the AI is going to treat those works like they're just as valid as the 100k+ novels we all know and love. All that comes together to make a shitty AI model that no one really wants to use, even if they're otherwise super pro-AI.

I'll round this off with a silly little book recommendation, but this book seriously changed the way I think about life in general and definitely impacted how I was able to take the scraping well enough and focus on being productive about it instead of just upset. The big takeaway from it is that no one can fully control their circumstances, but everyone has the ability to control the way they react to those circumstances. No one can control AI scrapers being scumbags, but we all get to choose how to respond to it happening.

[nereidprinc3ss]

i have thoughts on reid x dilaudid that i feel like i’ve never seen anyone talk about before so im gonna share

spoilers for s2 ofc and cw for discussions of substance abuse

something im thinking abt right now is that presumably reid was not psychologically or physically dependent on dilaudid yet by the time he was rescued from tobias hankel. of course he was incredibly traumatized and im not saying i wouldn’t anticipate wanting relief from that if i were him, but he could have gone without the drugs. he CHOSE to take the vials from tobias when he left. so if you think about it we didn’t even see the turning point into his addiction—he had to make the choice AGAIN to shoot up at some later point. he obviously knows the statistics abt addiction and the opioid crisis. but we know he really was addicted eventually. so after tobias, he got home and looked at those vials and made that choice to shoot up again, fully aware of what he was doing and all the implications and potential consequences but he was just in that much pain.

like it makes me so so sad to think about how smart he is and how his vast intellect was not enough to stop him at any point in the pursuit of getting high and he was contending with that the whole time, aware that he should be “too smart” for what he’s doing. like he had to procure syringes, he had to consider what he was potentially sacrificing, all while he was completely lucid, and he still made a fully conscious decision that it was more valuable to get high.

or maybe he convinced himself he was just going to use them to wean himself off because it would take a major toll on your body to receive all those drugs in such a short time frame. maybe he thought he could slowly detox. which might be even sadder. or maybe he was lying to himself the whole time and knew he just wanted to give himself permission to get high again. idk.

regardless it’s really really sad to think about how much effort he had to put into doing something he knew was terrible for him and how he chose it again and again because that’s how much he was hurting. like that scene of him holding the bottles and looking in the mirror at work hits a lot harder when you realize his addiction was not something just happened to him. he can’t entirely shirk the blame. i can’t even imagine how much self loathing he would have had going on at that time

(also i am fully aware that addiction is an illness and in many regards not a choice at all, but im saying its not likely he was actually clinically diagnostically addicted to dilaudid by the time he was freed. in that sense, he did make choices which contributed to his addiction, and he had to live with that, which i think is really highlighted by him looking in the mirror like what the fuck have i done to myself)

anyways im so sad now😂😂😂😂!!!!!! this is one of my favorite plot lines it was done so dirty!!

[alicentsgf]

hi, i might just be a touch too young have other things keeping me from getting this - but i've never really understood how the baby becoming a sacrifice (despite already being a stillborn; like ive always seen what happened as best case for the baby so it just really confuses me) is on the same like level as what she had to do to javi. you just explain shaunas brain really well and i was curious if you would be able to go into that / explain it a little ?

yeah of course! i mean i can only say how i interpret it and i think its impossible to really quantify trauma but for shauna losing her child and everything that came with it was the most deeply traumatic experience she endured imo, especially with how closely connected it was to jackies fate. javi's death and shaunas role in it was more the straw that broke the camels back, in terms of changing her irrevocably.

having witnessed someone close to me experience it, its hard to describe how deeply traumatic losing a child is, even one you never really knew or wanted to begin with. just the act of holding a dead baby is an impossibly awful experience, and shauna did it for days. and im sure if she'd dared to think about it she would have known logically how bad the chances were for the baby, but that wouldnt have stopped her hoping. even when you actually know someones going to die, the loss doesnt truly hit you until afterwards. and then you have to consider all the additional stress as well. she had everyone piling their hopes on her, excited for the baby, assuming it would change things for the better. it must have felt like such a huge burden. this child is the result of a decision that led to her best friends death. led to shauna eating her to stay alive. if the baby dies... what the hell was that all for. what does she have left to show for it. not to mention she had lottie growing strangely attached, making shauna fear what she had planned. we see this represented in shaunas nightmare, where lottie inserts herself to the extent of breastfeeding. then shauna sees her friends covered in her childs blood - they'd ripped him apart and consumed him, and maybe that was what she'd feared all along, except not so literally; that her child would never truly be hers, because this strange hierarchy might give someone like lottie the power to rip him away. its a lot to process, as if a traumatic stillbirth without pain relief at 18 isnt enough to be getting on with.

and in the end that nightmare shauna had does kinda comes true. because lottie does steal her baby, and the others do consume him. they're cannibalising his memory, cannibalising shaunas grief. hes not a person, hes not hers, hes some kind of totem or diety for a religion shauna doesnt believe in. she cant even go to his grave and grieve peacefully, hes public property and so is she by association. its why akilah's headdress pissed her off so much, because yet again what she wants or needs isnt considered, when really in this scenario they should all be deferring to her. she doesnt even have anyone to lean on in her grief because to the others her son isnt a baby who would grown up to be someone someday, hes just a sacrifice. worst of all shes told he had to be sacrificed to keep HER alive. nobody even thinks about how guilty this must make shauna feel. how heartbreaking it must be to be told 'your child needed to die for you to live because we need you more'. its a callous, selfish thing to express, even if they didnt mean any harm by it and even if it makes logical sense. shauna doesnt believe in the wilderness, but she knows the others at least believe they chose for her. whether their ritual worked or not, it was not their place to do that. she didnt want to die, but any decision made should have been hers alone. so now it feels like shes surrounded every day by people who see her like a tool to be used. shes necessary, they needed her, so her baby had to die.

ultimately this means that in the end shaunas trauma isnt just centered on the event itself - the pain and loss of a stillbirth, but all the other circumstances surrounding it that make shaunas experience so desperately isolating and painful. trauma doesnt just happen in moments, and for shauna this is an ongoing traumatic experience thats lasted at least a year at this point, since the moment she realised she was pregnant. and its happening on top of the already extremely traumatic circumstances they're all enduring.

so whilst the night she butchered javi is of course deeply traumatic, its more of a transformative garnish on top of the mountain of other stuff shauna was already experiencing. i think its more that something clicked in her brain that night, carving him up, exposing herself to something so deeply harrowing, and then not getting chosen to lead. she feels that shes not respected, shes just a means to an end. that they all see the knife in her hand, even when shes not holding it. its why they needed her alive, and not her child. and so in feeling that fuel a rage in her, she became compelled to find some type of power in the role she has. and when all you have is a knife, theres really only one way to grasp at power.

[chaos-and-cookies]

They rly said "what if we made the grim reaper just 100% bbygirl" and it worked 😮‍💨 that cute lil smile he has in the pictureeeeee 😩 i have played this game non stop since i started like 2 weeks ago i hope the dev team knows the damage they've caused to my brain personally 😌 and i still have 2 more endings to get thru..... and the web comic 🤔

spoiler thoughts for the sex scene below

Im ngl when i chose the strap option for the sex scene i kinda hoped we got to rail him from the behind while pulling his hair. I'm also a lil confused why his pp looks so much bigger when we top him compared to when we bottom and when we give him a handy... the art all looks like its from different artists slightly so maybe thats why? Or maybe I'm imagining things and its just the perspective.... which i guess would make sense since he's completely exposed to us when he's bottoming for us..... hmmm will have to compare gallery pics for research when i have time 🧐

Also ik all the games from these devs are like inherently queer so it wouldnt matter who topped/bottom in the scene but something a bit funny to me as a bi cis woman playing this and picking the top/dom choice and being like hey ik this is like ur first time ever having sex but can i peg u adhdhdkfjd the fact he had bought lube too...... such a sweetie i cant 💕 he didn't just assume since ur a woman u wouldnt need it 🥺 also kinda funny that in the situation where ur about to go with him to super hell to run from a different reaper and ur like ok i gotta pack some stuff u fuckin pack ur strap LOL ik they say u should always stay strapped but uhhhhhhh like that? 😆

well i guess i did achieve my goal of getting him pregnant with soul babies in this ending... even if the baby was a sunflower or something idk that was weird I'm still not sure what happened LMAO i think they are just a cute happy immortal couple now? Yay love that for them. I knew after i got the bloom ending and had bottomed for him in my first run of the dlc i needed to whip out the strap and get him pregnant and i did lfg 🙂‍↕️

[ryuichirou]

So i'm reading your yandere/hypnosis post and i get to Vil being utterly jealous enough to try on Rook; and it makes me think about his drive and the second place club lol (Leona, Jamil and Vil) like D: poor them they're always outranked by that ooonnee person! Can our boys catch a break? whether that person knows or not I always tend to feel bad--especially for Vil since i remember his inner speech in book 5 and the fact that his most trusted person ended up being such a big fan of the person who makes him feel like second best. wait i love rookvil i think i made myself sad LOL NOoo--aahh I rambled im sorry, i guess the main question i wanna ask is what do you think about those particular three always having to come second to their respective counterparts? I think your opinions and insight is so interesting that i'd like to know your thoughts on this! and you don't have to answer for all three characters if you dont wanna I was just curious on your thoughts! Anyways, have a good day and stay hydrated! it's hot this summer oof

Anon! Took some time to get back to you as well, sorry for the late reply. Summer is already over, but it’s still SO HOT…

Without diving into just how much I love the ending of book5 and the whole Rook-Vil-Neige thing (I feel like I talk about it all the time LOL)… It is interesting how these Vil, Jamil and Leona always get to be second best, isn’t it? But ironically, I don’t think I ever grouped them in my head based on this. Maybe it’s because of how different their situations are? But also now that I think about it…

Vil isn’t better than Neige, and he tries to be better by working hard.

Jamil is better than Kalim, but he can’t be better because of his status.

Leona may or may not be better than Falena in some ways, but he doesn’t even bother.

Ignoring the fact that this “better” is always subjective and in actuality things are more complex than that… and also trying not to sound like an armchair therapist that’s just telling anime boys “you should have done this you idiot”, but.

Jamil got the most development in that sense because this internal conflict is very straightforward, in fact, he was the easiest one to describe with these little sentences I just wrote. Jamil wants to stop pretending to be worse than he is, he wants to work hard and to show how great he is without being forced to get worse results than Kalim. He is only the second best because he consciously allows Kalim to be the best whenever he is given this choice. And he isn’t always given a choice: a lot of times the system decides for him, just like when Crowley chose Kalim to be the housewarden. Still, even in that situation, Jamil knows for a fact the shape, the density and the nature of this ceiling he can’t break, he’s been aware of it for his entire life. This is why it’s easy to pinpoint moments of Jamil’s growth: when he expresses how much he hates pretending to be worse than Kalim, when he says that he won’t hold back anymore, when he gets to dance and rap at VDC as a lead-vocalist and, ironically, when he gets scolded by Leona in ch6 (I have some issues with their sub-story, but still).

With Vil, the difficult part is to understand what exactly he understands as “beauty”: I mentioned it in a bunch of Vil-centric posts, but we’ve seen how in-canon he was described as too beautiful, therefore not as relatable as Neige. So this isn’t about beauty, and in a way I think this isn’t about Neige either. This is about Vil’s own feeling of self-worth and self-expression, and how people perceive him; Neige is just a very good point of reference, a good metric, especially considering that they always end up being compared to each other and that comparing numbers of followers is easy and seemingly objective (which is a cruel trap a lot of people fall for).

What I’m trying to say is that Vil isn’t fully and constantly aware of “the shape of this ceiling”, or rather why he can’t reach Neige; this is why we had that ending to his book. This isn’t solely about skill or quality, but those are the main things Vil focuses on.

And Leona… I am not sure about him, to be honest, because it boils down to one problem that I have with him: I am not sure what he wants.

It’s easy to compare him to Jamil because it seems like his issue lies in being frustrated with the system: he will never be the first because Falena is literally the first born son. But I don’t think it’s fair to compare a prince with a servant like that, because even though Leona wouldn’t be the king, he still has a lot of power and opportunities, and we’ve seen Falena valuing his strong points and expressing that he wants Leona to help him. One might even say that he invited Leona to be by his side, as a brother and an equal. But this isn’t what Leona wants in actuality, is it?

His “ceiling” seems to be obvious, but I guess his actual frustrations lie elsewhere, and those are kind of difficult to see because of how inconsistent he is. But maybe it’s just me being frustrated with his character again lol

I am replying so late because I really thought I would have some kind of conclusion about this whole thing, but it seems like I don’t lol Still, it was an interesting topic to think about.

Thank you for your ask! <3

[fogbreo]

been struggling to design the voices and feeling a bit miserable over it 😔

i dont have any ideas for broken, cheated, oppy, hunted, and skeptic aside from what type of bird they are (and even then, im starting to think that i should change broken's bird). any ideas i come up with have already been done to death so i shoot them down everytime. nothings wrong with being inspired but smitten's inspiration isnt very obvious so i think the other voices shouldnt be so obvious too. ah but im confident that smitten is my best voice design even if i complete them all so maybe its not fair to make him the standard..

as for broken and hero, they look so off. i drew them once (thrice for broken, actually) and got so frustrated that i abandoned the wip. they just. didnt look like broken and hero. my art satisfies me first and foremost so if it doesnt please me, no one else gets to see it

i do have ideas for para and stubborn. theyre the clearest in my head right now but im scared to tackle them 😭 stubborn's image was even clearer than smitten actually but i chose to work on smitten first because stubborn is a rooster. roosters are colorful. how do i simplify that. and hes Stubborn hes supposed to be buff and big and all that so im out of my comfort zone...

this has just turned into me rambling about the design process huh. let me talk about cold then. he just Happened. well no, i sketched a two whole pages of herons as preparation for his design but they looked so bad. i asked my classmates if they recognized the bird and one of them said flamingo.

anyway his design just Happened when i did that drawing where he and smitten beak kiss. i didnt really think of how to make his design till i was already drawing him. thats why hes just. a heron. with a scarf (havent drawn that yet) and two long ear tuffs. thats it. no other identifying features like smitten. hes rather uninspired so i wanted to improve his design but nothing came into mind (except for the scarf). well, no i did think of a veil or a mask or a hat but his head is ridiculously tiny so thats impractical. besides, i like him as it is and others seem to like him too? so theres that.

im most satisfied with smitten, contra, and the narrator's designs :) smitten is my prized jewel at this point. he underwent almost the same process as cold except i was way more prepared for him. he formed in my head 75% complete lol though you can spot clear differences between my first sketches of him and his most recent design. the beak kiss drawing was also the first time i "realized" his design. he has had super minor revisions since then but his core remains unchanged. im pretty satisfied with him, i dont think he'll change anymore.

contra 🥰 i like him as he is but im adding cheeks (like a cockatiel! i dont have to be that species-accurate) and some curls on his head. i actually wanted to add those details in the one piece i made with him but i couldnt figure it out then... probably bc i made his head too big 💀

the narrator is pretty simple. i married the mirror and corvid narrator hcs for his design bc while i personally subscribe to the mirror!narra hc, i cant just make him a mirror??? so now hes a black cracked glass raven Thing who holds a piece of white paper and feather :) unlike the voices, he doesnt have arms so he uses his wings to write instead. he also doesnt stand upright. hes the most Bird out of everyone to make it clear that he doesnt belong 😍 i drew him once but i hope to make a reference sheet for him soon bc it really should be simple..

side note: colors are important! i try not to apply too much white or black unless it makes sense for the character. ideally, the voices wouldnt have white or black on them but well. its unavoidable. birds often have black or white on them.

the narrator is a black raven and the only things that are white on him are the cracks (death) and his writing implements. hero is purely black and clothing provide the only pops of color on him. smitten and broken regrettably have a lot of white on their belly but im sure i can spin some bullshit explanation like "white around their hearts bc they love the princess (represented by white) ❤️".

lots of white on contra but that makes sense. i also refrained from making him a sulfur-crested cockatoo though bc theyre almost entirely white. no white on cold at all, sadly. white would make so much sense on him bc change is what he seeks (same reason why contra has a lot of white) so maybe i shouldve made him some other white heron instead.. or a crane. but cranes represent life.. ah whatever. i like him as he is right now.

...my takeaway from my rambling is that i should work on para's design. ive got a clear-ish idea for him

[changbinsboobs]

can u do skz most significant relationship (romantic)? i love your account!

💗

Skz's most significant relationship (romantic)

Quick disclaimer most of them came out a bit weird and not like how i intended but u can't tell energies what to do😂 so yeah most readings may not really answer the question asked.

Chan - 7oW, KnoC

Here im getting multiple stuff that's not really coherent and doesn't make sense when pieces together so im just gonna put here the little pieces im getting and you can see for urself if you can string things together.

His most significant relationship is with himself

His most significant relationship with a woman is with his mother(?) of his mother plays a huge role (in what?)

Im also getting strong references to the last energy reading i did on chan where he just got dumped and was really bitter about it.

Strong push and pull, like im feeling very strong resistance on his side but also very intense longing which makes me think of the fearful avoidant attachement

Maybe his mom plays a big role in his FA attachement and for him to experience a true significant relationship he has to face himself first and resolve it? Thats my take - but as i said this energy was very all over the place.

Lee Know - 2oP

Seems pretty balanced and feels nice to him and to his partner.

Changbin - KnoS, The Empress

Is yet to come. (When i ask for clarifying cards for what the most significant one until now was my question was completely ignored and i got once again told how much he wants a baby and is waiting for it.) i believe the most significant romantic relationship will be the one with his wife and mother of his children. When i wanted to know what the one until now at least was, he told me those don't matter and can't compare so its useless to even bring them up. He says its disrespectful to his wife😂 we love a man that has his wife's back💗🙌🏻

Hyunjin - 5oW, The World

Was a very turbulent one. But very needed. It changed his views on the world. Made him wiser. Was very hard for him tho. Yk transformation is almost always acompanied with disaster because we humans like whats familiar and need something to truly shake us up to force us out of our comfort zone to grow.

Han - 4oS

Hasn't had it yet.

Felix - 9oW, The Moon, 5oC, The Sun

Poor guy. Theres so much he wants to say, he's gushing and spilling all over the place but can't really express himself very well and i don't really know where or how to begin. Soo....i think he has has had a very significant relationship tho i don't really know for what purpose or how it went, i just see wounds, regret, hopelessness, depression, suppressing his light self...it seems really weird. I think he's the type of person that lets his emotions take over him completely and he lets himself be engulfed by them and surrenders very easily to his own pity and darkness. Idk what exactly happened there but it caused big feelings like this. They engulfed him, took over him almost completely and "casted a shadow over his sun". I can't read anything else past that. Although im getting that this was quite early in his life and i don't think its a factor in the present times. Im getting reminded of his little self during pre debut days, although idk for sure if it happened during that time period, but its for sure either somewhere during debut, pre debut era, trainee era or probably before that even, close before he chose to come to korea. Something in that time period.

Seungmin - AoW, Death, 8oW

So i think he had his most significant romantic relationship until now, but it ended (beautifully). And another significant one, even bigger, is comming. Not getting much else past that.

I.N - 3oW

Is yet to come. Or should i rather say he's on his way to it.

[rareblackcat]

Crossing the cultural boundaries of species and what it means to be human

"Im not human because “human” means so much more than just being a member of the species Homo sapiens. How can something be “subhuman” or “more than human” if that’s the case? How can we “dehumanize” someone, and what does that mean? Why does being “human” equal being compassionate, kind, relatable, and “inhuman” equal monstrous, evil, sadistic. If we spend so much time wondering “what does it mean to be human,” why can I not spend just as much time wondering what it means not to be?" Why I call myself transspecies- The House of Stars

The concept of confronting what it means to be human and what it means not to be is a stance that I've just recently realized I relate to. I chose the term transspecies due to how finite and true the term felt. I describe my species-identity as crossing over from human to animal, beyond human, so transspecies made sense, I do not feel human and I don't want to be human, but what does being human actually mean? For me it has ment understanding and accepting societal rules which is something I don't. And my identity as a black person who's subjected to greater forms of oppression and forced assimilation bolsters this. I also don't think my physical body should define who I am or how I identify. Clothes for me aren't anything but for protection from the elements and aesthetics or culture, the idea of being presentable is white supremacy bullshit, why do I have to pay for shit that grows from the earth, I want to express my joy loudly and proudly and take up space, and as much as I love community I'm not good with social stuff (but I do still require it.) Now you might be thinking, "can't a human also feel like this?" Yes, but the difference is that said human still feels human, I don't. I feel like a feral animal. I want to hunt and live wildly and be taken care of and owned. I want to thrive off of my animal instincts and semi-human intellect (I'd use tools and need some sort of social system lolz.) Further more, despite my animalness I want to still be seen as worthy of respect. I think all animals are deserving of respect and empathy. Animalhood is not less than, just different. Every behavior and trait I have weather it comes off as non-human or not screams non-human animal to my head and even more specifically WereCat. Werecat is how I feel on a deeper more complex level. Werecat is what I see when I imagine myself. Along with some cat traits, feline is a fact that I know about myself. When I see cats and werecats all I can think is "yep, me." My physical form desires to be a Werecat. The dysphoria is strong with me. I long for my yellow eyes, my wings, my tail, and my fur. That form feels correct, like it's truly me. It's the me inside me trying to come out. I still use Therianthropy because it's familiar and a well known term that still technically correct to my experiences but 'Transspecies', as more time goes on, feels more correct than any other term.